On Missing Mass

I missed Mass today for the first time in many weeks. For no particular reason either; I just wasn't feeling 100% and it seemed like a lot of effort to go. Which was ridiculous because my younger sister spent the weekend at my house and would have been more than happy to watch my son so that I could attend Mass alone and actually concentrate without having to mind a rambunctious 4-year old (who is normally a PITA during Mass but was actually good last week at Easter Mass for a change). Said 4-year old's PITA-hood usually includes kicking the seats of the long-suffering parishioners who sit in front of us, squirming around, singing inappropriate songs during quiet times, and whining when Mommy gets to eat the "crackers and juice" and he doesn't. So it definitely would have been LESS effort to go than it usually is...

It's times like this that I miss being a Protestant. Protestants miss going to church and it's no big deal, right? At least it wasn't when I was a Protestant. I attended a Baptist church as a child and although we were encouraged to attend church faithfully, missing a Sunday certainly wasn't a mortal sin like it is for Catholics. You just went the next time and everything was gravy. No being excluded from any church rites due to mortal sin on your soul or anything heavy like that. Yep, that's right: for Catholics (and most likely Anglicans/Episcopalians and Lutherans) not going to Mass on Sundays is a mortal sin. We are commanded to remember the Lord's Day and keep it holy, after all, so it is the "breaking of a commandment" part that makes it not only sinful, but gravely sinful. Meaning, if I were to die without confessing my grave sin, I am going to hell. Pretty harsh for just feeling lazy on a Sunday, but those are the rules.

Having a mortal sin on my soul also means that I am forbidden to partake in the Eucharist (Communion) again until I go to confession. Or in more modern terms "perform the Sacrament of Reconciliation." By the way, I prefer the term "confession." I knew this was the consequence and I didn't go anyway, which makes it even more grievously sinful on my part. Blah. The Eucharist is my favorite part of Mass so being deprived of it is actually a real punishment--far more of a punishment than whatever penance I'm going to be given. I don't mean to sound deliberately cavalier about penances, but I thought my last few penances were kind of "light" for what was some pretty heavy sin (but that's a blog for another day... ) Taking communion, actually drinking the Blood and eating the Body, is the time that I feel closest to Christ more than any other time in my spiritual life, even prayer. I can almost picture myself at the Last Supper with Him as He establishes the new covenant with his Church. By the way, if I were to participate in the Eucharist with mortal sin on my soul, that itself is a mortal sin, and I have then exponentially compounded the amount of sin I'm carrying. Let's not go there.

Sooooo...missing Mass one lazy Sunday has cost me the Eucharist for the foreseeable future, as I will likely avoid confession until I miss the Eucharist enough that I grudgingly go. Confession sucks by the way--I always feel much better afterwards, but it's rather embarrassing and awkward, at least for me. Which is probably the point.

Have I learned my lesson? Probably, for now. I'll have to go out of my way one evening or on a weekend to go to confession, and thus it will take weeks for me to end up going, and in the meantime I'm deprived of my favorite part of the Mass. That's a lot of drama to deal with. Should have just gone to Mass in the first place!