Venus in Scorpio

Only your own kind

can survive the deadly sting

of your mating dance...

Return to Sender

Love? Unwanted word.
Foolish and heartbroken word.
Love? No, I think not.

Suppressed

Bubbling up inside,
a burst of forceful longing--
quick! bury it deep...

Falling

When I see your name
my heart starts to beat faster--
a symptom of what?

The One

An open letter to my future husband...

To My Dear Beloved Husband,

After having a conversation with a friend last night about why it was important that your spouse share your really important interests, I decided to write you this letter to make sure that when we do actually meet, you know what I'm looking for. That should save us some time.

Please have the following required qualities:

• Be ready for and anticipating marriage. Duh. How else are we going to get married? I don't believe in relationships that are just "partnerships." Call me old-fashioned, but I want the real thing. That includes a ring on my left hand and your last name. When I say be ready for marriage, that means be ready for a commitment when you meet me. Not right away, of course. Obviously we need to get to know each other and fall in love. But be open to the idea. Be beyond the phase of your life where partying and hanging out with your boys means more to you than me and building our life together.
• Be a good father. You may not have children yet. If you do, that's ok. I love children. More importantly, I have one. You will have a very important role in his life. Please be ready for that. If you have children of your own, it will help me evaluate your parenting skills and also gives my child the opportunity to experience having a sibling. I promise to love them as my own. If you don't, that's ok too, but please have a love for children and preferably a natural parenting instinct. Also, whether you have children already or not, I would want to have at least one child with you to complete our family, so you must be open to that.
• Know God. I left that purposely broad. You do not have to be a Catholic (although it IS a plus), or even necessarily a Christian, but you must know God. I am not perfectly devout (who is?), but I cannot be unequally yoked either. I do go to church. You do not have to have perfect attendance at church, but you should know what one looks like and feel comfortable going there occasionally. Being included in the family prayer during holidays should not weird you out. Saying nightly prayers with me and the kids should not weird you out.
• Be tall. Tall is defined as being at least 3" taller than me when I'm wearing high heels. As I average in height between 5'5 3/4 and 5'7" (depending on who is doing the measuring), please be at least 5'10" to be on the safe side.
• Be stocky. I don't like lean men. Stocky can range anywhere from "muscular" to "a little on the chubby side." I need to look at you and see "strength" not "stick."
• Be loyal & faithful. Self-explanatory. For me, a marriage is for life. It's not a game, it's not something to do just to "see" what's like, and it's not something we're going to do because we know we can get out of it. Divorce is not an option, so please make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me and that you can live with having sex with me and only me for that duration before proposing. Thanks.
• Be good in bed. Sex is important to me. It is probably important to you too. If we are going to remain happily married, we need to have a good and active sex life. That is all.
• Be affectionate. I am a touchy-feely person. I kiss and hug my child, my dog, my family, my friends, my coworkers...I will want to hold your hand, run my fingers through your hair, kiss and hug you, hold you at night, sit on your lap, rub your back, etc. You must share this love of affection. Perhaps not as much as I do, but my affectionate nature must not bother you.
• Be outgoing. You do not have to be the life of the party. But you should be a friendly, confident person who makes new acquaintances easily. My shy side will be enough for the both of us. I need you to be the one who will force me into new experiences when I'm feeling afraid or unsure of myself.
• Be intelligent. You don't have to have a Ph.D. I don't. But I am smart. My child is smart. Our kids will probably be smart. You should be too. Intelligence should not intimidate you.
• Be family-oriented. I am close to my family. If you aren't close to yours, that's ok as long as you get along with mine. But my preference is that you are equally if not more close to yours, have siblings, parents, grandparents, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunt & uncles that you love and genuinely enjoy spending time with.
• Be conversational. I like to talk. Not to the point of obnoxiousness, but I can hold a conversation. You must be able to converse with me, and with others, without awkwardness. This requires that you...
• Be diverse. Have a variety of interests. Be curious about our world, the people in it, and the things that happen here.
• Be active. I have an average activity level. I don't have to be out and about every weekend, but I am not a homebody either. Staying at home, especially when the weather is nice, is not my cup of tea. There are too many things to do and see, especially when you have small children who you are trying to get to explore their world. Unless I'm feeling lazy, and then...
• Be lazy, too. Some days are just meant to be lazy days. No chores, no going out, just laying in bed or watching a good show on TV, or catching up on DVR episodes, or sitting quietly and reading a good book. You should be amenable to all of these on occasion.
• Love animals. I have a dog. She is sweet, good with kids, and can be hyper. She is a great dog. You must like dogs and want one, because she's not going anywhere. If you have a dog, that's cool too. If you have a cat, I love cats, but we might have issues...Bingo chases cats. We can talk about it. If I'm not getting rid of my pet, I can't expect you to get rid of yours. We'll work it out. But I love animals and you should too.
• Love food. I like to eat. You should too. But don't let me get fat--I won't let you get fat either. And on the off chance that we both fail miserably at this and both get fat then...
• Be willing to make improvements. I am not perfect. I doubt you are either. But I am always open to change. I know when it's time to grow and/or make different choices. You should have this skill as well, including acknowledging that it's time to start going back to the gym.
• Be tidy. I'm not a neat freak. Occasional messiness is ok, actually. Especially when confined to small places. But I like a clean house. At least one that's presentable for company that likes to stop by. A clean kitchen is a must. Doing chores should not be a foreign concept to you. Liking the following chores is a plus: taking out the trash, yard work, keeping cars clean and serviceable.
• Be financially stable. I have worked hard to get to the point of some financial stability in my life. I've still got some work to do, but I can reliably pay the bills and am able to be extended credit in situations where it is required. You should be able to say the same.
• Like a good party. You don't have to be a party animal, but you should know how to have a good time. You should be ok with loud music and raucous behavior occasionally. Bonus points if you know how to play cards and throw stuff on the grill.
• Love football. I like football. You should too. That's what I do on Sundays and Monday nights during the season. You should too.
• Be flawed. Again, I must emphasize that I'm not perfect. Sometimes I smoke, sometimes I snore, sometimes I let my car get amazingly filthy. If you share these traits, that's cool. If not, that's cool too, but have some flaws. I don't want to feel like I'm struggling to live up to your idea of perfection.
• Be patient. I can be a royal pain at times. I can be selfish, spoiled, and stubborn. Sometimes I will crave your attention and have tantrums if I don't get it. I also have a hair-trigger temper. You don't have to be my doormat, but you must be understanding and accepting of these things. Patience is required.
• Get me. This is important. In fact, it might be the #1 requirement. I am a very complex individual. My thoughts, my moods, my fears, my hopes, my dreams...you should speak the same language in all of those areas.

The following traits are optional:

• Be a good cook. I can cook, but I don't always like to. During a good week I'll cook 2 meals and on Sunday. During a bad week, it might be takeout or Marie Callendar's every night. If you want to do the cooking, that is fine by me!
• Love the Redskins. If you love the Skins, you already have a heavy advantage in winning my heart. If not, that's ok, I probably don't love your team either. Please don't be an Eagles or Giants fan UNLESS you can tolerate a lot of trash talking. Please don't be a Cowboys fan for the sake of our marriage. Please don't be a "bandwagon" fan of ANY team if you want me to respect you. Bandwagon fans are the lamest of the lame.
• Like astronomy. I like stars. I'm fascinated by them. I'm an amateur nightwatcher. If you are too, or if you actualy know a little bit about astronomy, all the better. You should not think me strange when I stop to stare up at the sky or want to have a discussion about the probable existence of extraterrestrial life.
• Be handy. I love men who can fix things. I'm not talking about plunging the toilet, or giving me a jump, or changing a flat tire. Those things are kind of expected. I mean, being able to fix a leaky pipe or patch a hole in the wall with some drywall. Or some DIY work around the house like putting down new tile in the kitchen. That's so sexy.

That's all for the moment. I hope this assists you in finding me, as I'm waiting for you. I'm in no rush. I'd rather you be Mr. Right than Mr. Right Now. I do love you dearly and will be an excellent wife. I look forward to all the wonderful years we have stretched out ahead of us.

Love,

Me

Settling

Not going to do it. I refuse to settle for mediocrity in any aspect of my life.

Finances: Success doesn't come to you. No one in this world who is successful just sat around and waited for success to land on their doorstep. Even the ones who got "lucky" took action to make sure Luck could find them. I know what my talent and ambition can bring me, so I will commit my money, time, and energy to pursuing that success.

Love: I will either resign myself to embracing singlehood (TRULY embracing it, not using it as a stop-gap until my next relationship), or more preferably, I will make an effort to attract and seek the kind of man that I know a) is healthy for me and adds to my happiness, not detracts from it b) is on my level, in every way that counts c) would make me feel proud if my son desired to emulate him d) that I can commit to and is capable of committing to me. Period. No more settling for Mr. Right Now, or worse, Mr. Was Never Right. After a certain amount of time has passed that "Is this the right person for me?" feeling isn't cold feet, it's Truth telling you the answer is No.

Work: Too many people settle in their work. They get in the comfort zone of receiving a regular paycheck but the work brings them no joy, no purpose. The ultimate goal of achieving success is to not have to work FOR someone in order to survive, but instead to either do meaningful work (whatever meaningful means to you) or to perhaps not work at all if one should be so lucky! After a long talk with a close friend at my former place of employment, it became so apparent to me how your job, because you spend so much of your time there, can have a profound impact on your life. Feeling ignored, underappreciated, undervalued or just plain bored with repetitive work (ESPECIALLY while ignoring your higher calling) can manifest itself in terrible ways in your life. So, I resolve to not to settle in this area of my life and encouraged that same friend to do the same. She has the benefit of knowing her true calling--I am still trying to figure this out about myself, but the important thing is to build on your ambitions and not stay stagnant out of fear of the unknown.

Friendship: Unfortunately, even the oldest and strongest friendships can be outgrown. People are not static creatures; they grow and change and not always in the same direction. I am fortunate enough that I have only outgrown a friendship or two in my life--I am still very close to the people I've known for years, some since childhood. But there are a lot of lonely people in the world, people who want more friends or different friends. Stop settling. Get out there and meet people. Put yourself out there. A good friend of mine that I have now, I met on the Metro! We struck up such a great conversation, she invited me to get off at her stop with her and grab something to eat and a drink. Most people would have declined to dine with such a new acquaintance, but I took a chance and now have a wonderful friend that I cherish.

Life is about taking chances. Very few chances are life-threatening (unless you're totally reckless), but most chances are paradigm changing. Live your life!

Maggie

Forget me not, love
I have not forgotten you
still so loved and missed...

Puppy Love

My loyal doggie
sleeps quietly by my side
while I blog away.

Lions & Tigers & Bears

Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?

Jazmine Sullivan keeps it real. I adore that song--one of the truest songs ever sung.

Leo Mars square Scorpio Venus

I consider myself a pretty expert student of astrology but even I managed to be surprised by the accuracy of this article regarding an aspect between two of my planets. Good grief...explains a lot!

How many definitions do you know for the word “drama”? If you’re stuck after the first three and need a little help, look no further than Mars in Leo square Venus in Scorpio. Drama is what it’s all about.

Leo Mars is dramatic enough on its own. This is a radiant, larger-than-life placement. People with Mars in Leo have a romantic movie-star script in their hearts, and will take whatever bold steps are necessary to play their roles to the hilt. Venus in Scorpio is no less passionate — their romantic roles often lean toward the noir, but are no less full-tilt and life-consuming.

Linked by a natal square, this is an intense influence. Passions run high, and pride is king — a jilted Leo Mars/Scorpio Venus lover can be downright scary. The secretive nature of Scorpio combined with the Leo ego can result in slashed tires, anonymous phone calls to the IRS, and unexpected rabbit stew. Not everyone with this aspect will be so overtly vindictive, of course, but there’s always a lifelong struggle with jealousy and possessiveness. If you love someone with this aspect, you will have scenes. Tears will flow and dishes will fly. It’s all part of the intense emotional script.

It’s a strong, sexy square, though, and a useful one to have, as squares go. Both men and women with this square are confident, charismatic, and seductive. It often gives a real flair for the arts, especially (need we say it?) drama. In a chart that leans toward the introverted side, this aspect can give a big dose of drive and determination. Venus is considered debilitated in Scorpio, but this particular dose of Leo can eliminate some of the dark broodiness of the placement — it’s a good square, so long as it’s kept under control.

When it’s out of control, it’s not attractive at all. Men with Leo Mars/Scorpio Venus tend to believe that they’re the greatest thing since sliced bagels — words like “arrogant,” “pompous” and “overblown twit” come to mind. They’re the ones who swagger up to you at the bar, in a smelly cloud of expensive cologne and tinkling gold chains, and ask if you’d like to have the privilege of their company for the evening. Oh, they’ll buy you a drink or four, whatever you’d like — extravagance is part of the show — but somehow you can’t shake the feeling that you’re being hit on by a cartoon.

Women with this square can actually have it a bit worse, if they’re not careful. Preoccupation with sex goes without saying (it’s Leo and Scorpio, after all) but in a woman, the sex drive can creep up and take over her entire life. Obsession is not nearly as much fun as it sometimes sounds, and lives can be ruined by a sexual addiction as quickly as by any other.

In both cases, the simplest remedy is to find a less-destructive outlet for the incredible drives of the Leo Mars/Scorpio Venus energy. Again, the arts are favorite, but physical sports and politics can be alternatives. No matter how it’s channeled — and sex will be the easiest road, the path most often taken — this square is a powerhouse.

The tough lesson of Leo Mars square Scorpio Venus? To accept the incredible vital force within, harness it, and divert it toward your highest goals. It takes time, effort, and a willingness to make mistakes — the stronger the force, the more difficult it is to learn to work with it — but eventually, this square can be a source of incredible personal power. Use it well.

Control

I want to be madly, passionately in love. This is my greatest weakness in life--the pursuit of the love of my dreams has led me down many paths. Some dark and tangled, some not. The love I want is too idealistic for this world, I think. It belongs in another time, where men and women's roles were simpler and more defined, so each had time to reflect on the qualities of the other that they lacked, and thus adored.

I'm well aware that mad, passionate love does not last--if it is a healthy love, one born of selflessness and true appreciation for the beloved, it grows and matures over time into something more sustainable. But I truly believe one of life's great pleasures is the art of falling in love. The maddening rushes of dopamine, the deep craving to be in the presence of the beloved...it's the greatest drug on Earth. Much of the human experience has happened while people were in the haze of the beginning stages of love. Call it what you will--infatuation, lust, limerence...there's nothing like it.

It's been so long since I felt that way. Unfortunately, the gauntlet of my past relationships was so rough that I believe I lost the key ability required to experience that stage of love: vulnerability. I hate being vulnerable. It feels like a crime--against myself. My self-preservation instincts are now so strong that I crush any inkling of vulnerability the moment it is felt. I wish I wouldn't do this, but it's an instinct now. Instincts are designed for your survival, so it's probably for the best. This is a sad thing, I know. But I've found that vulnerability is incompatible with control, and control is necessary for me to maintain my sense of identity in a relationship. I fear the loss of control more than anything because it equates to the loss of myself.

That's the most unfortunate thing of all--without loss of control, I'll never truly fall in love again. I'm just now starting to understand (and grieve) that.

Love, Sex, Magic

Yeah. I'm greedy. I want a little more of all three in my life. The sex can't be too good though. Great sex tends to make me fall in love. I need to get over that nasty habit. There's nothing worse than walking down the aisle and seeing white picket fences in the distance right before you cum, only to realize afterwards it was all in your head and all he's thinking is what a great lay you were. Or God forbid the hated "I love you!" that slips out as you scream your way past orgasm number...ummm, you lost count. And did you really accidentally say the "L" word? No thanks.

I'm not sure why females are wired that way. It's a curse, I tell you. Unio mystica--mystic union. Also known as that momentary delusion of happiness and "Omigod, I found my soulmate!" feeling that women get during and after great sex that only seems to happen when your lover is a jerk. Has anyone ever felt unio mystica with a "nice guy"? Or their husband? Since most women tend to marry the safe choice (nice guy) rather than the jerk? Right? If I'm wrong, let me know. I need some encouragement that my unio mystica days aren't behind me once I decide to commit.