The One

An open letter to my future husband...

To My Dear Beloved Husband,

After having a conversation with a friend last night about why it was important that your spouse share your really important interests, I decided to write you this letter to make sure that when we do actually meet, you know what I'm looking for. That should save us some time.

Please have the following required qualities:

• Be ready for and anticipating marriage. Duh. How else are we going to get married? I don't believe in relationships that are just "partnerships." Call me old-fashioned, but I want the real thing. That includes a ring on my left hand and your last name. When I say be ready for marriage, that means be ready for a commitment when you meet me. Not right away, of course. Obviously we need to get to know each other and fall in love. But be open to the idea. Be beyond the phase of your life where partying and hanging out with your boys means more to you than me and building our life together.
• Be a good father. You may not have children yet. If you do, that's ok. I love children. More importantly, I have one. You will have a very important role in his life. Please be ready for that. If you have children of your own, it will help me evaluate your parenting skills and also gives my child the opportunity to experience having a sibling. I promise to love them as my own. If you don't, that's ok too, but please have a love for children and preferably a natural parenting instinct. Also, whether you have children already or not, I would want to have at least one child with you to complete our family, so you must be open to that.
• Know God. I left that purposely broad. You do not have to be a Catholic (although it IS a plus), or even necessarily a Christian, but you must know God. I am not perfectly devout (who is?), but I cannot be unequally yoked either. I do go to church. You do not have to have perfect attendance at church, but you should know what one looks like and feel comfortable going there occasionally. Being included in the family prayer during holidays should not weird you out. Saying nightly prayers with me and the kids should not weird you out.
• Be tall. Tall is defined as being at least 3" taller than me when I'm wearing high heels. As I average in height between 5'5 3/4 and 5'7" (depending on who is doing the measuring), please be at least 5'10" to be on the safe side.
• Be stocky. I don't like lean men. Stocky can range anywhere from "muscular" to "a little on the chubby side." I need to look at you and see "strength" not "stick."
• Be loyal & faithful. Self-explanatory. For me, a marriage is for life. It's not a game, it's not something to do just to "see" what's like, and it's not something we're going to do because we know we can get out of it. Divorce is not an option, so please make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me and that you can live with having sex with me and only me for that duration before proposing. Thanks.
• Be good in bed. Sex is important to me. It is probably important to you too. If we are going to remain happily married, we need to have a good and active sex life. That is all.
• Be affectionate. I am a touchy-feely person. I kiss and hug my child, my dog, my family, my friends, my coworkers...I will want to hold your hand, run my fingers through your hair, kiss and hug you, hold you at night, sit on your lap, rub your back, etc. You must share this love of affection. Perhaps not as much as I do, but my affectionate nature must not bother you.
• Be outgoing. You do not have to be the life of the party. But you should be a friendly, confident person who makes new acquaintances easily. My shy side will be enough for the both of us. I need you to be the one who will force me into new experiences when I'm feeling afraid or unsure of myself.
• Be intelligent. You don't have to have a Ph.D. I don't. But I am smart. My child is smart. Our kids will probably be smart. You should be too. Intelligence should not intimidate you.
• Be family-oriented. I am close to my family. If you aren't close to yours, that's ok as long as you get along with mine. But my preference is that you are equally if not more close to yours, have siblings, parents, grandparents, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunt & uncles that you love and genuinely enjoy spending time with.
• Be conversational. I like to talk. Not to the point of obnoxiousness, but I can hold a conversation. You must be able to converse with me, and with others, without awkwardness. This requires that you...
• Be diverse. Have a variety of interests. Be curious about our world, the people in it, and the things that happen here.
• Be active. I have an average activity level. I don't have to be out and about every weekend, but I am not a homebody either. Staying at home, especially when the weather is nice, is not my cup of tea. There are too many things to do and see, especially when you have small children who you are trying to get to explore their world. Unless I'm feeling lazy, and then...
• Be lazy, too. Some days are just meant to be lazy days. No chores, no going out, just laying in bed or watching a good show on TV, or catching up on DVR episodes, or sitting quietly and reading a good book. You should be amenable to all of these on occasion.
• Love animals. I have a dog. She is sweet, good with kids, and can be hyper. She is a great dog. You must like dogs and want one, because she's not going anywhere. If you have a dog, that's cool too. If you have a cat, I love cats, but we might have issues...Bingo chases cats. We can talk about it. If I'm not getting rid of my pet, I can't expect you to get rid of yours. We'll work it out. But I love animals and you should too.
• Love food. I like to eat. You should too. But don't let me get fat--I won't let you get fat either. And on the off chance that we both fail miserably at this and both get fat then...
• Be willing to make improvements. I am not perfect. I doubt you are either. But I am always open to change. I know when it's time to grow and/or make different choices. You should have this skill as well, including acknowledging that it's time to start going back to the gym.
• Be tidy. I'm not a neat freak. Occasional messiness is ok, actually. Especially when confined to small places. But I like a clean house. At least one that's presentable for company that likes to stop by. A clean kitchen is a must. Doing chores should not be a foreign concept to you. Liking the following chores is a plus: taking out the trash, yard work, keeping cars clean and serviceable.
• Be financially stable. I have worked hard to get to the point of some financial stability in my life. I've still got some work to do, but I can reliably pay the bills and am able to be extended credit in situations where it is required. You should be able to say the same.
• Like a good party. You don't have to be a party animal, but you should know how to have a good time. You should be ok with loud music and raucous behavior occasionally. Bonus points if you know how to play cards and throw stuff on the grill.
• Love football. I like football. You should too. That's what I do on Sundays and Monday nights during the season. You should too.
• Be flawed. Again, I must emphasize that I'm not perfect. Sometimes I smoke, sometimes I snore, sometimes I let my car get amazingly filthy. If you share these traits, that's cool. If not, that's cool too, but have some flaws. I don't want to feel like I'm struggling to live up to your idea of perfection.
• Be patient. I can be a royal pain at times. I can be selfish, spoiled, and stubborn. Sometimes I will crave your attention and have tantrums if I don't get it. I also have a hair-trigger temper. You don't have to be my doormat, but you must be understanding and accepting of these things. Patience is required.
• Get me. This is important. In fact, it might be the #1 requirement. I am a very complex individual. My thoughts, my moods, my fears, my hopes, my dreams...you should speak the same language in all of those areas.

The following traits are optional:

• Be a good cook. I can cook, but I don't always like to. During a good week I'll cook 2 meals and on Sunday. During a bad week, it might be takeout or Marie Callendar's every night. If you want to do the cooking, that is fine by me!
• Love the Redskins. If you love the Skins, you already have a heavy advantage in winning my heart. If not, that's ok, I probably don't love your team either. Please don't be an Eagles or Giants fan UNLESS you can tolerate a lot of trash talking. Please don't be a Cowboys fan for the sake of our marriage. Please don't be a "bandwagon" fan of ANY team if you want me to respect you. Bandwagon fans are the lamest of the lame.
• Like astronomy. I like stars. I'm fascinated by them. I'm an amateur nightwatcher. If you are too, or if you actualy know a little bit about astronomy, all the better. You should not think me strange when I stop to stare up at the sky or want to have a discussion about the probable existence of extraterrestrial life.
• Be handy. I love men who can fix things. I'm not talking about plunging the toilet, or giving me a jump, or changing a flat tire. Those things are kind of expected. I mean, being able to fix a leaky pipe or patch a hole in the wall with some drywall. Or some DIY work around the house like putting down new tile in the kitchen. That's so sexy.

That's all for the moment. I hope this assists you in finding me, as I'm waiting for you. I'm in no rush. I'd rather you be Mr. Right than Mr. Right Now. I do love you dearly and will be an excellent wife. I look forward to all the wonderful years we have stretched out ahead of us.

Love,

Me